thinking 'bout you
by amyjponds
Summary: Five years have passed and so many things left unsaid. Octavia and Lincoln's wedding gives Bellamy and Clarke the chance at the reunion they desperately hoped for.


Thinking 'bout you

Outside the light is too bright and started to hurt her eyes, so clarke slowly rolled over and stared at the celling, contemplating how her life turned out to be. She found herself thinking how her medical career was taking off like a jet slicing through the clouds but also drowning her. She thought about the upcoming wedding of Octavia and Lincoln and how these two had found each other. Instead, the great love she thought she had finally found left her 5 years ago (it still hurt like a blade entering her soft porcelain skin) and now she had a fling going on with a cute sweet girl named Nylah. But even then, she couldn't find the power to compromise, it didn't feel right. She felt she was running out of time.

She turned over to reach her phone and saw a missed text from Octavia saying "mooorning clarkey, 2 days until my wedding. Chop chop, we have work to do.". Releasing a long sigh, she got up and got herself ready to face the day she had ahead of her, more specifically, the duties of bridesmaid to Octavia. At least she had raven to keep her company and handle the hurricane Octavia was.

After getting ready, she passed her smelly leftovers all over the kitchen counter along with a bottle of white wine open. These were her nights after a long day spent at the E.R., treating patients. At the end of the day she would come to an empty house or at least to her bottle of wine and pre cooked meals. Sometimes she would give Nylah a call when she was feeling better but the days before the wedding had been hard, with just the thought of seeing him. Of course he would return for his sister's wedding. Of course he wouldn't miss the opportunity to walk her down the aisle. But it still hurt. Deep down she was trying to cope with the future situation that was approaching quickly for octavia's sake. One of her best friends deserved the best wedding day.

She parked her car just outside the cute restaurant that Octavia had chosen for brunch with the girls to discuss last wedding details. The entrance felt coming into a portrait on tumblr, with plants decorating it along with fairylights and two white columns, displaying the menu with all the varied choices they had, pancakes, benedict eggs, avocado on toast, açai bowls and suddenly Clarke felt her stomach roar showing signs of being so hungry.

"hey girls" Clarke said, greeting the other 2 girls.

"hii, you're so late I swear I could kill you if I didn't want you looking sparkling beautiful in my wedding next to me." Octavia answered quickly at the sight of her blonde friend.

Seeing the mock in her friend's eyes she remarked instantly, teasing Octavia "sorry, I've slept in! some of us have important jobs to do you know?"

"oh shut up, you!" she said while punching smoothly clarke's shoulder.

"so, Octavia, all ready and prepped for the wedding?" raven finally intervined in their talk while the waiter took their orders.

"yes, I'm excited but nervous at the same time? does that make sense? Like Lincoln is the one for sure but sometimes the stress of planning this gets to me. But yes, wedding dress all done, venue secured and already being decorated while we speak, delicious cake and all the guests confirmed. I just hope it all turns out alright and even if it's too much too ask, perfect."

"Don't worry, O., it's going to be amazing. And you couldn't choose better venue, the location in that park was such a good idea. It will look amazing, and all foresty" Clarke answered, smiling at the sight of Octavia so in love and excited.

"foresty? Is that even a word Dr. Griffin?" Raven took the opportunity to joke and lighten up the mood even more.

"I'm a doctor yes, but literature was never my best feature. That was up to Bellamy." As soon as she said his name, Clarke regretted it immediately. Why would even this remind her of him? She couldn't get a rest.

Seeing the embarrassment in Clarke's face, Octavia took the chance.

"Speaking of Bellamy, how do you feel about him returning and seeing him again?"

"It's going to be okay, you have nothing to worry about. It still hurts a little bit but I moved on, five years have passed and we're good. We just want to see you totally happy on cloud 9 on your wedding day. You deserve this, O. more than anyone."

"Thanks Clarkey, it means a lot! It's going to be a great day I can feel it."

The girls ate their brunch and talked some more about the wedding to come and said their goodbyes on their ways to their respective cars. With Octavia gone, raven stopped Clarke before she entered her car and sped away.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay? I know how hard you took back in the day."

"Don't worry Rae, I'm going to be fine. What do you think I've been doing these past few days? Preparing myself mentally and psychologically to see him again and not punch him."

"Such a shame, I would love to see you direct a good blow to that pretty face." With this comment Clarke did a funny face to her friend with the meaning "are you kidding me?"

"What? We have to admit it would be pretty funny and also that he has a pretty face."

"I Know Rae, I know." Clarke said with a careful laugh, waving her friend goodbye and getting into her car.

At the day of the wedding, Clarke found herself getting ready in one of the hotel's bedrooms near the park with Octavia and Raven. The bridesmaids wore a pretty subtle pale pastel pink long dress, with thin straps and flowers in their hairs while the bride majestically wore a beautiful somehow tight white long dress that fit her like a glove. It embraced her curves like in a long warm hug and highlighted her skin. The wedding ceremony itself was simply breath taking. They had constructed a platform decorated with pale pink orchids and roses and dark wood benches equally decorated with green leaves, orchids and roses. It looked so picturesque and straight out of an enchanted forest. While the violins started the music, Clarke stood beside raven with bouquets of orchids and roses in the aisle waiting for Octavia's big entrance. At the end of the path she admired Bellamy in his white head to toe uniform from the navy, with 2 full size medals hanging on the left breast pocket and one ribbon on the opposite side for decoration. He looked magnificent holding his arm to secure her sister, while walking her down the aisle and whispering her words that she could only imagine that would be "I'm so proud of you, O." in that warm raspy voice of his. Suddenly their eyes met and Clarke could swear she felt a shiver down her spine. His look had been so strong, showing guilt and also a warm tone for seeing her again. She could relate.

The ceremony went so fast but Clarke was dreading it every minute of it because she could feel the stare of the older Blake's eyes on her. She was just wishing for it all to be finished so she could sneak away in the wedding reception.

The wedding reception was held at the hotel nearby and one again it looked beautiful. It was decorated to the color scheme of the wedding and everyone was sit at their respective tables while the happy married couple made their way to the dance floor for the first dance as wife and husband. So, there it stood, Clarke embarrassingly on a table with Raven, Bellamy, Miller, Monty and a couple of relatives from Lincoln's side. She just couldn't wait for it all to be over. Slowly other couples started making their ways to join the happy couple for a slow dance, such as Monty and Miller and even Raven with a hot guy with a dangerous smirk from another table that was apparently Lincoln's distant cousin, Roan. The awkward tension started to be too much when she hears a voice next to her like a whisper

"Would you join me for a dance?" and this request came from the least expected place, Bellamy fucking Blake of course.

Clarke viewed all her options in her head and her thoughts trying to race away like in a busy highway but ended up with "why the hell not."

"okay." And so Clarke took his hand and went to the dance floor, receiving mixed glances from both Octavia and Raven but she just shrugged.

While swaying away, Clarke felt a comfort she hadn't felt in years. She felt safe, like her darkness was okay. His big arms embraced her and she wished she stayed like that forever.

"It's really good to see you again." He confided in her.

"Yeah, same." She came with a short answer, tensing at the same time and without even knowing where to take this conversation or what even his point was at all.

"I can feel you on the edge with this and I'm so sorry for everything." He finally admitted to her and Clarke swore under her breath for the easiness he always had with reading her like an open book. He knew how to ask the right questions and when to be quiet around her, he knew her body talk and in a way he knew her mind. It was terrifying. And just the thought of him still having that ability and impact on her terrified her even more.

Feeling like hours had passed since his apology, she finally answered him "I don't know what you want me to say, Bell."

As soon as she used his old nickname, he shivered and realized he needed to say what he had been preparing for weeks for this moment.

"It's simple, I missed you."

Clarke tensed under his words, and with shaky hands she freed herself from him and murmured "I'm sorry I can't do this." and ran away from him, into the open hall and suddenly the cold fresh breeze hit her like a welcomed slap on her face.

She kept running, now with her heels in her hand into the park so she could gather her thoughts and calm herself down. It wasn't long until he found her again.

"Please stop running from me. I'm sorry I said that but in that moment I just went with it and said fuck it." He said with exasperation in his voice and pleading hands to come back to him.

Clarke with angry tears in her eyes now, finally exploded and prepared herself to get the confrontation she didn't have five years ago.

"You have no right to just show here after five years ago saying you missed me. You left me, okay? You fucking left me and it hurt."

"I tried to make you understand that day but you just couldn't listen. I hoped you would understand my decision a little better now."

"What did I need to understand? You chose the navy, obviously was more important than giving a shot at us, at this. You were everything to me. I was so desperately in love with you and you disappeared. So please, make me understand because I still can't."

"Oh Clarke, we were so young, at the beginning of everything, of our lives. Octavia didn't need me anymore, she was on a good track in school and my mom had died. I felt like I had no purpose anymore in my life. The navy gave me that."

Now with even more violent tears, Clarke felt she had just received a blow right in the middle of her face "Purpose? You had me, for god's sake. We were so devoted to each other, as so I thought. Why was I not enough?"

"Oh god Clarke, you were more than enough. You were more than I could bear. But I needed to sort myself out, to be worthy of you. You were doing amazing, being brilliant like you always are on your residency and I needed something for myself. I found that in the navy. Please understand this. I needed something to feel so right in my life, like I was needed for something."

"But the thing is Bellamy, I needed you the most and you weren't here. However, I guess I get your point. You needed some guidance within yourself and I can't blame you for that. After my dad died I ran like a coward but with time things got better and I rediscovered myself. So, what I'm trying to say is that I do understand. I'm really happy you found what you were looking for." She finally said, ready to turn around and escape from Bellamy Blake and this torture of a conversation.

In an instant, he caught her arm and stopped her from going away from him.

"When we were together, I couldn't remember a time when you walked into a room and I didn't have to fight for air. I still feel the same way five years later. Since then, you've been always on my mind. I found what I was looking for in the navy as a young soldier trying to serve his country but now I'm returning to get back what I lost. It's always been you. I'm just holding to dear god I'm worthy of you again like you thought all these years ago even if I couldn't see it. You always had this incredible faith in me and I hope you have some little more for us again."

"I…. I…" Speechless at Bellamy's words, she thought even after all this years he was still surprising her in the best way.

"I'm sorry for all of this and maybe you even have someone in your life and if you do I just hope he or she makes you the happiest girl on this earth because you do deserve it. You always put others first and you go to the end of the world for them so I just hope they make the same for you, put you first."

"Shut up and just kiss me already" surprised by her words, Bellamy pulls Clarke closer to his chest and with a delicate hand he kissed her carefully but turning into something deeper and passionate in a second. He was crazy mad for her.

Although she loved this moment, she had to come out for air and put some distance between them so she could ask him the real question

"Are you staying or leaving again?" she asked with so much fear in her voice.

"I'm staying. I've been repositioned here and since I've injured my knee pretty badly I can't do much out there so they put me training recruits. I still like it, it's going to be fun."

With a relief upon her shoulders, she grinned immensely and pulled him back to her so she could kiss the life out of him again. They were meant to be right here in this moment, reunited again because great loves sometimes have the power to surprise you and come back to you.

This was it. She had stopped running. Everything made sense, he came back home to her.


End file.
